I have absoutely no idea how to handle what I've gotten myself into and it's completely freaking me out!
Now in this disappointing adult life—a life I’d been scammed into looking forward to as the culmination, not the sorry purgatorial aftermath, of all those school years—there was no future, no past. Time just kept lurching along in a dreary, monotonous sameness of day and month and year. Like living in a whiteout. Now, I spent my hours at work stunned, like someone beaten to the point of immobility, and rushed out the door at the end of the day only to spend the evening in solitude, listening to my mind race around in a random, shrieking, undistractable chaos. I was driving myself crazy.